From Dominator to Partnership

I first came across Riane Eisler's work "The Chalice and the Blade" while studying Community Psychology back in Australia. I was fascinated by the idea that there was archaeological evidence of different models of social structures that were able to balance the gender equation. Men and women, while physically different, with different roles even, were considered equals. I don't believe I ever read the book back then (1997 or so) but I read numerous references to it.

More recently, as I've begun the reading for the Master's in Conflict Transformation, I have encountered her name in several places. Amazingly, my wife Samantha found a copy in a second-hand bookshop here in Phnom Penh.

Just reading the intro and I can't wait to get into it. Her questions: "What is it that makes us so violent towards one another, and between men and women?" "How is it that such violent people are capable of creating poetry, music and search for justice and peace?". There is a such contradiction to who we are!

This book, published way back in 1987, parallels my own thoughts and reflections. But more often I personify them. "How can I, someone who wants to lead a non-violent life, striving for social justice, perpetuate interpersonal relational styles that are antithetical to my desired goals? Why, when faced with conflict, do I fight back instead of trying to understand the person and their situation? Why do I assume that my perception of the situation is the only right one? And, why do I seek to control situations in which I am threatened instead of allowing the threat challenge and grow me?" When I do manage to relinquish my violent domintor actions to the process of seeking peace I and the other are transformed and can communicate on a totally different level, without any hint of violence to each other. There is magic in those all-to-rare occasions.

I am hoping that my studies will not only give me skills to move institutions and society to a more just future, but also that I would be a more just person.

May Peace Reign!

Grass Roots

Grassroots
Alisa Gordaneer

---

there’s a revolution afoot in the garden, the chickens
are scratching up resentment, the beans have surrendered.
it's become an all-out struggle, with worms,
beetles rambling in shiny coats
stolen
from the night’s shimmer.

at first it’s quiet, as though
you could imagine them fomenting quietly, muttering against
damp grass by moonlight, passing secret messages in
the scuttering of dry day. but the trees get wind of it, bushes
rustle, and suddenly the grasses know all, tell all
until the whole garden has rebellion on its leaftips, insurgency
in every seed.

it will go like this
despite the gardener, despite the scythe, despite
white flags waving from the laundry line.

Alisa Gordaneer is the 2005 Barbara Mandigo Kelly Peace Poetry Award Winner.

20 Frontiers of Global Conflict

http://conflict-frontiers.beyondintractability.org/gateways/conflict-frontiers/slideshow-short.jsp

Freedom = Violence

Researching I came across: http://www.classicalvalues.com/archives/2007/08/freedom_is_viol.html

This is my quick response, I couldn't post a response on the above-named blog...

Yes, you could say "Freedom = Violence". But only because the Capitalist Freedom believes in the inalienable right of every American (British, Australian, etc) to live as s/he desires regardless of the consequences to anyone else (outside of our country, thank you very much). Free Trade Agreements? how "free" do you think they really are? Has America stopped subsidizing it's farmers yet? I don't think so, yet America yells and screams for everyone else to cut tariffs to create an 'equal playing field', while giving it's own a giant leap into the stratosphere. South Korea has been planting rice for centuries and has the capacity to grow enough rice for it's population, yet subsized American rice undercuts market rates.

This is what us loonies in Peace Studies (and other associated fields) would call Structural Violence in the Name of Freedom. The real question is "Freedom for whom?", because it isn't freedom for all.

Conflict Transformation - the beginnings

Dear Reader,

in less than a month I begin studies in Conflict Transfomation. What is CT and why would I want to study it? Where am I studying and what does it entail?

The Masters in Conflict Transformation is offered in partnership with ACTS (Action for Conflict Transformation) and the Pannasatra University in Phnom Penh. There are several other course run in other continents (Balkans, eg) through the global ACTs network. It is a two-year program designed to be integrated into participants work-places. The final year is a major research project which I currently plan to be based on the experiences at Cheas Ponleu / WDO where I have been working the last 2 years.

Conflict exists everywhere, and at every level of society. There are many reasons and theoretical explanations for conflict. I am particularly interested in investigating conflict at the institutional and international level. We are living in a global community, and we cannot ignore the global effects our small, local lives have. The well-worn motto "think global, act local" sums up this intent pretty well.

In a place like Cambodia, institutional conflict is all around us, yet the political institution is resistant in letting voices of discontent to be heard. I hope to explore ways for Cambodians to express their voices of discontent in constructive ways, so that oppressed/oppressor can find common future paths, rather than seeing mutually exclusive ones. Many people's revolutions have simply turned the tables in who is oppressing whom. Iraq has demonstrated that while Saddam Hussein was an insane mad man, he kept an unsteady balance between warring factions. The military pre-emptive incursion in Iraq has created a blood-bath far beyond Saddam's regime, and has destabilised not only Iraq, but the political shere in the region. This, too could happen in Cambodia (but on a smaller scale). Hun Sen is the 'king-pin' of Cambodian political life. He holds many factions together and in somewhat-peaceful balance. This balance ensures that anyone who feels they are entitled to a piece of Cambodian wealth has it. Of course, this mainly benefits the Cambodian fat cats and usually disempowers and disenfranchises the poor, ethnic minorities, and sub-culture groups.

The 'answer' to Cambodia's 'problems' is not the removal of Hun Sen and his cronies by the powerless poor, thus turning them into powerful demagogues destined to repeat the horrors of the past, but to find a common future, where all can enjoy freedom of expression (of who they are, of dissent, of where they live, how they express religion, sexuality, personhood). Freedom to be truly human, not afraid to be such.

Right now I am pretty idealistic about Conflict Transformation, but I hope this course and my research will give me greater insight and practical applications for making positive use of the conflicts around us.

Humility Meditations

Each quarter of the year we spend a month or so reflecting on one of the
6 commitments of InnerCHANGE. This time around we are looking at the
commitment to Humility.

I suppose I have always thought of myself as humble, or at least, not
arrogant or self-seeking. But the past month has highlighted for me
times when I want to grab control of things. Especially as our team goes
through a leadership transition, I find myself dreaming of all the
things I could do with the team as part of the new leadership council.
And really I am looking at it as if our team were a blank sheet of
paper. But as I try to respect our former leader's contribution I
realise to actuate my plans right now, would be counteractive to the
commitment of humility. So I require patience.

Purple fingers

Returning to Phnom Penh, we found that everyone has dyed their right
index finger purple. In the tradition known as "throwing the sugar palm"
(បោះ​ត្នោត​) each Cambodian person over the age of 18 casts his or her
vote in the commune elections (Communes, larger than villages, are
somewhat like local governments and are responsible for regulating
various areas of Cambodian life).

Cambodian political life is broken down into various layers: national,
provincial, commune and village.

Doctor's widow receives maximum compo (The Age)

A Victorian hospital has paid the maximum compensation to the widow of a young doctor who died from epilepsy brought on by an excessive workload.

Dr Peter Nettelbeck, 28, was found dead at an accommodation unit at the Latrobe Regional Hospital, near Traralgon, 160km east of Melbourne, about midday on December 4, 2004.

The doctor, who had suffered a fatal epilepsy attack sometime after finishing his shift at the hospital about 12.30am (AEDT) on the same day, had been staying in the unit because he was on call.

Law firm Maurice Blackburn Cashman acted on behalf of Dr Nettelbeck's widow Katherine and their children Jeremy, five, and Elizabeth, two. Elizabeth was born a month after her father's death.

A spokesman for Maurice Blackburn Cashman said Latrobe Regional Hospital had agreed to pay Dr Nettelbeck's widow the maximum $186,650 in compensation allowable under the Victorian WorkCover Act.

The hospital also had agreed to pay Dr Nettelbeck's two children $10,370 each, with the money eing placed in a trust fund.

The family's lawyers said that Dr Nettelbeck's workload was a significant factor in his death.

The Melbourne County Court has heard evidence that Dr Nettelbeck's roster contributed to his death. In the 12 days prior to his death, he worked shifts finishing at 12.30am and was then on call after that time.

Documents submitted to the court showed that a medical panel had found that the shift work combined with being on call had resulted in sleep deprivation and irritability of the autonomic nervous system - which helps the body cope with stress - aggravating Dr Nettelbeck's epilepsy.

Ms Nettelbeck's lawyer Liberty Sanger said her client was happy with the outcome, but had maintained that her husband's death could have been avoided.

"She feels vindicated because she knew that Peter was complaining about being sleep deprived prior to his death," Ms Sanger said.

"But she also feels angry because she and Peter did so much together to manage his epilepsy, and she feels this was an avoidable tragedy."

Dr Nettelbeck, who had moved to Gippsland with his family at the beginning of 2004, was undertaking a post-graduate practitioner training register course at the time of his death.

In a tribute in the Gippsland Education and Training for General Practice 2005 annual report, Dr Nettelbeck was described as generous and warm, with "a delightful sense of humour".

"Our profession and community have suffered a great loss with his passing," the tribute said.

© 2007
AAP

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The Greening of the Religious Right

I have been listening in to Jean Feraca at www.wpr.org/hearonearth/, an online radio program. a couple of weeks ago she talked with Calvin B. DeWitt about the National Association of Evangelicals taking up the cause of global warming and "creation care". Then I came across this transcript of another interview from Living on Earth.



It's great to see Christians coming to the political fore of the call to care for God's Creation, not use and abuse it. Shame on those with their heads in the proverbial sand.





Technorati Tags: environment, religion, creation

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How effective is my life? Part 2

I checked out an article on personal goal setting at www.mindtools.com. I have used their materials before, namely when I prepared a SWOT analysis for the staff at Shining Light. It's a good read and I plan to use it as a basis for setting goals and a life plan.



I haven't really ever thought of Life Goals. I am such an 'in the present moment' person that trying to set goals for my life is overwhelming. But I am caught in a trap. To enjoy each moment I really need to set goals.



The other part of goal setting which I am poor at is reviewing my goals and achievements. I am the guy who writes in his daytimer my plans and meetings, but never bothers to look at them to make sure I am on time. When life is cruzy it's not a big problem, but when it's busy I end up double- and triple- booking myself.



Ultimately, my current malaise had been determined by my inability and lack of desire to set goals for myself. I have let life happen, and nothing much has happened as a result - or they happen by accident.



Technorati Tags: goal setting, life goals, effectivity

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The War Against Terror

I have been heartened by the recent reports on TV and in the print media, of our military efforts in Afghanistan. In a true "war against terror" our military are working against terrorism and militant opponents by "making them irrelevant". By completing "backyard blitzes" throughout their area of service, the true heroes in the "war against terrorism" are an inspiration in times that are filled with despair. Whether the war is finally won or not, the people who experience the generosity and commitment of our service men and women will remember them with fondness and kindness and perhaps will join in to make terrorism irrelevant, too.

Nauru and the offshore processing of asylum seekers

The incumbent Government should immediately dismantle the program and policy of off-shore processing of asylum seekers (no matter how they arrive to Australian territories), and every political party should make it a major area of policy to do so if they were to win office. The same should be done for a national apology to Indigenous Australians. As we battle the overseas shame of Guantanamo Bay detainees, we are still left with the morally bankrupt practices of shipping our problems to other nations and ignoring the damage and humiliation inflicted on the first people's of Australia.

The Esteem of Women in Society

Shopping in Target the other day for my new son, I came across a t-shirt with the "10 reasons why beer is better than women" stenciled on it. I was entranced with the depth of insight by such wisdoms as, "beer won't complain when you put it in the fridge to cool off for an hour", or "beer won't complain if you touch another one". To be frankly honest, I was dismayed that a large chain-store such as Target would be willing to promote the degradation of women. Not only feminists, but compassionate men and women of all walks of life, are tired of the constant abuse of women throughout our society. On the flip side, it degrades men. The t-shirt displays the stereotyped disdain men have for women. In an age that is significant for it's hatreds and fears, this vision of male/female relations points us in the wrong direction. Obviously aimed at the younger end of the spectrum of the community, it belies the age-old Australian tradition of the weekend bender. Isn't it time we gave our young men and women a bolder, more imaginative vision of how the two sexes can relate? Hopefully without the need for litres of alcohol as a social lubricant. As a father of two young boys (2 years and 2 weeks) I truly hope they will grow up with appreciation for a world where men and women don't just coexist, but treat each other with admiration, respect and honour.

Magpies

This afternoon has brought me a lot of joy and happiness as a father.

When Patrick woke from his afternoon sleep we walked down the back yard of my parent's house to find a magpie or two, and throw some bread at them.

I was enthralled by Patrick toddling down the garden, tearing off a chunk of bread and throwing it to the magpie.

What was even more gratifying was that the magpie had been waiting for us - seeing us from his afternoon nap spot, he rushed from under a tree straight for Patrick, and the bread he was holding. No fear, just eager for a feed. Once Patrick threw the bread at him it was a different matter! Chasing the magpie around a clump of gum trees.

How effective is my life?

I subscribe to the philosophy that effectiveness is best evaluated by how closely aligned are my actions to my values. After all,

"if you don't live the way you think is right, you'll end up thinking the way you live is right." the GROW Blue Book

It is scary to me just how true this statement is, and how much I have fallen into the "thinking the way I live is right". At 32, nearly 33, I am consciously concerned that the idealism of my late teens and my twenties has gone the way of the birds, and like the free-swinging hippies of the sixties, end up a corporate stalwart. And this is something I just don't want to happen.

I am thirty-two and wondering just what impact my life is really having. Am I really changing the world the way I thought I could and would. I was so sure that my life was going to change things big-time. But as I look at what has actually changed by my efforts, I am ashamed and concerned. How can I do better? How can I be confident of the values of my life and that I really am an effective change agent in this world?

I am coming to the conclusion that I need some benchmarks. The only way to be sure that my life is effective, is to set myself some concrete goals, and evaluate them in the future. Well, this is probably very obvious now that I've written it down, and most likely the real problem is that I haven't been setting goals for a very long time.

So what are my goals?

Firstly, there are two "circles of influence" that are important to me:

1. to live a responsible and sustainable lifestyle
2. to effect positive change in others (both individuals and corporate entities, including family, local, national and international) towards a compassionate society.
   

to be continued ...

International Women's Day

This Thursday past was International Women's Day. I am sorry to say that
I missed it. I would like to say that, with a new born baby in hand, I
have a good excuse. But it seems that inequality between the sexes
continues domestically and in the workplace, and perhaps it is no wonder
that I missed it, I am still ignoring the need to promote women to
equality with men.

For the past week, though, I have been reading articles about how women
continue to earn lower than average wages in comparison to their male
counterparts, that men continue to have nothing to do with housework and
that men and women prefer their bosses to be male. For a world that has
come a long way in the 20th Century, there are many social landmarks
waiting to be celebrated in the 21st Century. Let us hope that with our
best actions women will truly achieve equality and a fair go in society.
After all, if it wasn't for women we wouldn't be here, the dinner
wouldn't have been made on time, the nappies wouldn't have been washed,
the kids dropped off at school, there would be no-one to take time off
from work to look after sick family members, and most importantly, there
wouldn't be any sex.

So come on guys, lets get things right for a change!

Thought for the Day - The difference between values and ideology

"Values are faithfully applied to the facts before us, while ideology
overrides whatever facts call theory into question."
Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope.

Frack me! We started the war.

The doctrine of PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKES (ie, strike first before someone strikes us) makes good military sense. We have data, good solid information that terrorists or a foreign army are planning a strike at our soil or interests abroad. So, go in and hit 'em where it hurts, disabling their capacity and sending a strong message that attacking us won't be tolerated. But the chain of cause and effect is more complicated than that. How do we really know that our intelligence is rock solid? How do we know that our "attack now or defend later" theology will truly save us?

Battlestar Galactica (Season 3, Episode 7 "Hero") delves into this military doctrine, and shows that not all ends well when we assume that military primacy (both in capacity and chronology) will win out.

General Adama was sent to 'spy' on the Cylons at the armistice line. Sending over a stealth fighter to 'scout' out the region in a black-ops, he was ordered to find out what the Cylons may or may not be up to. As fate, and good tv drama would have it, the humans are discovered. In an effort to cover their backs the scout ship is ordered destroyed and they go home. Three years later, General Adama realises that this small act of PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE was in fact the point which began the war, or so we are lead to believe. As in all of life, such cause and effect is too complicated to truly understand. Perhaps the Cylons were already planning an attack and it was all coincidence. Perhaps the military brass intended for it to cause a war they hoped would allow them to destroy the Cylons once and for all.

If only George W. Bush and John W. Howard were as insightful as G. Adama, and willing to admit their mistakes privately and publicly. If the humility shown by this fictitious military character was displayed in even half a measure by our own political leaders we may have some hope.

We must seriously question, as has been done since before the war in Iraq, the policy of PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKES. In the so-called war on terror, we are seeing terror fomenting where it never existed in the first place. If we count the number of deaths - military and civilian - both before and after the invasion by American and other forces, have the deaths that occurred under Saddam Hussein been overcome by the mayhem inflicted by our military machines? When do our political and military leaders say, "enough is enough, time to wrap it up". By placing ourselves in Iraq we have completely destabilized a country that was at least held together in some order. Evil may have prevailed under Saddam Hussein. Is the Liberation and Justice the coalition of the willing brought with them worth it?

Had George W. Bush, et al, said, "In response to the heinous crime, that was 9/11, America and it's allies will commit 1 trillion dollars to the eradication of poverty throughout the world", what would be the global situation today? Jaws would have dropped. Disbelief would have reigned. But as the reality of poverty alleviation rained down upon the stricken, disbelief would have turned to amazement, and amazement into hope, and hope into a movement of peace like the world has never seen before.

9/11 presented the world with an opportunity for peace. It looks as thought that opportunity has slipped through our collective hands and the machinations of war once again control our lives and motivations.

iFather

Samantha put Patrick to bed last night. After cleaning his teeth and reading him books, he put his head on the pillow and proceeded to make loud snoring noises. Sam asked, "are you sleeping, Patrick?". Patrick replied, "Daddy". So apparently I do snore.

What are Seed Projects?

The point of Seed Projects is to help pastors, churches and communties start on a small scale that is manageable and achievable. Many pastors and communities want to jump straight into large-scale development projects that cost losts of money, and need large organisational resources to maintain.For easy reference, Seed Projects should exhibit the following 9 points in some shape or form:

The 9 characteristics of a Seed Project

1. Covered in prayer
2. Motivated by God's compassion
3. Thoughtfully planned
4. Simple, small, uncomplicated, and completed in a short time (half a day to two days)
5. Done with local resources
6. Without discrimination - may benefit ANY community member
7. Those who benefit also participate
8. Evaluated by kingdom standards
9. Result: God is praised

C h e a s P o n l e u

Cheas Ponleu trains and equips Cambodian pastors to practice wholistic ministry in their villages and communities.

A Story In Pursat Province . . .

A Pastor and his assistant began dreaming how they could make a difference in their village. After participating in Cheas Ponleu training they were intrdoced to the idea of Seed Projects, small short-term projects that involve the whole community, use local resources, and give praise to God.The village road is always in bad repair. The monsoon rains each year keep eating away at the dirt until pot-holes the size of cars make travel difficult.

In the past, the village chief had collected money from all the village, but kept the funds for himself. As a result, the village was distrustful of new attempts to repair the roads, thinking they would lose their money again.However, to give respect to the village chief, the pastor approached him and asked permission to repair the road. He readily agreed.The pastor talked with his church members and organised a day to repair a 400meter stretch of damaged road. But he felt afraid to approach the rest of the village, fearing they would refuse to help because of their past experience of betrayal.A simple plan to repair the village road turned into an amazing event where past failure and betrayal was overcome. Where a village that was divided was brought together, where animists and atheists praised God, and the fatalistic attitudes of the village were challenged.
10 people from the church turned up to begin repairing the road.

As the day went on villagers travelled the stretch of road and saw what the church members were doing. Intruiged, shamed, excited, the villagers stopped what they were doing, paused their journeys and helped out. Soon over 20 villagers were helping out to haul dirt, drain puddles and set up refreshments for the workers.

No money was used for this project. Just labour, personal equipment, and food.

By the end of the day, a long stretch of road had transformed from a muddy, treacherous path, to a useable street useable for travel and work.

The village chief was amazed. He was grateful that the church had taken in upon themselves to plan this seed project. He was awestruck that the rest of the village had stopped what they were doing to help out. And by the end of the day, though he is not a Christian, he was thanking God for this wonderful situation.

GodA village elder, burned out by the lack of action by Buddhists praised the Christians saying, "Christians actually do what they preach!". He offered money to the village chief to erect a shrine on the road with a sign saying, "The road was made by the Christians". The pastor smiled politely and declined the offer of gratitude. "We don't need a sign. This road is for everyone."At the end of the day, the villages got back on their bicycles, or started walking on their way again. And they all decided that they should repeat this day's effort regularly. Once every month. To keep the road in good repair.

The seed project was more than a success. The patch of road was repaired, and streets of openness were built from the Christians to the rest of the village. Relationships that had been hurt by past betrayal were open again to each other.

In many villages across Cambodia, Cheas Ponleu is helping pastors and their churches to engage the villages and communties they live in, to find ways to practically help out the needs of their community, and repair broken relationships, so that God would be praised by all.

Sci-fi & The Question of Humanity

Sunday, March 04, 2006

Great Sci-Fi, whether it be novels, tv or movies, pose the fundamental question of what it means to be human. The errors in our logical thinking are uncomfortably exposed by the masterful writers such as Isaac Asimov, Greg Egan, and Stephen King. The new series of Battlestar Galactica also does this. The acting might not be great, but the measure of excellent sci-fi is evident.

Cylons are the human-created robotic servants that eventually turned on their masters. In an attempt to destroy the humans in a hellish war, both sides were forced to an uncomfortable truce. The Cylons left to find their own world and peace returned. Years (decades? centuries?) later, the Cylons returned to exact revenge and retribution on their former masters. The twist, of course, is that the Cylons have 'evolved' themselves to look like humans.

Humans, of course, don't care that Cylons look human. Once a Cylon, always a Cylon, and each should be eliminated as quickly and efficiently as possible. The Cylons are twisted in their own private need to meet "God's vengence" on those who treated God's servants (the Cylons) so wretchedly. The God-game is another excellent human rational-fallacy that sci-fi attempts to plumb. Good sci-fi won't dismiss religion and the spiritual out of hand, but will look at how we, as humans, abuse the name of God for our own ends.

What is most enticing about Battlestar Galactica, is the continual moral conundrums brought to the screen, and I, the viewer is forced to ask, who is more human in this episode, the human or the Cylon? It is never a cut and dried answer. Sometimes it is the humans, sometimes the Cylons. Sometimes it is the Cylon-loving humans, sometimes it is the Human-loving Cylons. And just sometimes it is the military crew aboard the titular battlestar.

By using theoretical characters, such as robots, artificial intelligence or alien life-forms, we can ask the difficult questions. We remove race, religion and history that we know and believe in and replace it with a fictional experience and the fundamental questions are answered uneasily and without a neat closure. In BSG we could overlay many issues. Race. War in Iraq. Terrorism. Refugees and "Illegal" immigration. Animal rights and the Environment. Justice. Freedom. Compassion.

When we feel comfortable, and have little need to question the life we take for granted, a good sci-fi fix can move us to re-examine our opinions and wonder if our humanity has been lost amongst the spin, fear-mongering and ideaolatry that is part of public life. BSG helps us to ask if we are truly acting as a human, or we are acting below the lofty values we aspire to.

Anger and Compassion

Saturday, March 03, 2006.

The horrible journey of being human is accepting that there is more than one force at work at any one time. Creation and destruction. Hope and despair. Love and hatred. For me the two polarities that most define me are anger and compassion. My highest desire is to be a compassionate person to all people I meet and journey with, and to build a vision of common compassion in public life. The darkest side of me exposes anger and indifference to the plight of others, whether it be my wife or the poor and war-stricken in Somalia.

Watching an episode of Battlestar Galactica, episode 3, this afternoon, the cylons and humans are looking for a certain pulsar - a grouping of two dead stars that rotate around each other, emitting pulses of electromagnetic radiation. This image seems like an interesting and fitting metaphor for the dualisms we all keep. When we see it in others we call it hypocrasy. When we see it in ourselves (if we are bold enough to admit it) we say it's just the way life is.

And perhaps both of these are true.

We are only able to determine the value or worth of some thing, whether it be a tradeable item or a lofty ideal in comparison, nay competetion, to some other item or ideal. When we are forced to wrestle with our true natures, which are never wholly rational nor emotional, the two rotate around each other giving off alternating pulses of energy. Some of it positive and creative, some of it negative and destructive.

Will there ever be a final reckoning when one force dominates and annihilates the other so that there is only anger or compassion? Will they eventually merge into something transcendent? Will they continue to circle each other ceaselessly? Or will their energy entropy to nothing, leaving a husk of a man behind?

Perhaps that is my question - my quest for compassion, inside and around me - where has it got me? Am I any more compassionate? I feel the opposite is true, that my anger is all the more dominant. I feel my compassion slipping away. I find it hard to care, to be compassionate towards others, no matter how close or distant they are to me relationally. Am I doomed to lose the passionate motivating force of my life?